believe

Believing isn't the easiest thing to do anymore.  There is always another "truth" idea.  I am not my innocent self any longer. I strive for more than what my parents have.  I want answers that are more than sentences. I want reason, truth, and reality.  I wish answers to important questions came with a flick of a switch or pressure on a button. Overwhelming are the questions I can't answer.  I am still looking for more things to believe. There must be something I am missing.
Without certainty my life isn't complete. I have to find out where I want to be and with Whom. Who is this God I hear so much about? He must me close because I feel him on occasion. Why is He hard to find here. I obey his commands, but now I am uncertain of why that is.  I know that I want to love others and serve others. I'll commit my life to it, but why? Is it because I love a Father in heaven, or because humanity is decent. There is not a doubt in my mind that there is a being beyond be. But am I serving Him? What am I doing theses actions for? What guides my motives?
I want see something unbelievable. Maybe if I see something I can't fathom it will connect me with the faith I need to figure out who I am supposed to serve; right now I am not sure why I do the things I do.  Do my morals guide me?  If so where did the morals come from? Is it possible that my motives are instilled by our Creator?
So many questions. I just want to see something unbelievable. I am scared that I am blind to all the miracles that surround me. Is my heart too hard?
I love others but I don't know why?