I am Saul

I'm trying to repent. I am Saul with the Amalekites. I have disobeyed God. I put romantic love over his commands. "For rebellion is like the sin divination and arrogance like the evil of idolatry." I have rebelled against God. I said to Him, I will date a non-Christian.  I tried to rationalize and bargain. God doesn't want my sacrifices and bargains, He just wants me to follow his commands. It's true, He still loves me.  It's true that I could never measure up to deserve to be His daughter. Everything may be permissible, but not everything is beneficial. I didn't do any good as I disobeyed God. Now I am hurt. How blessed I am to be here with God. My whole life He has been rescuing me, bringing me back to Himself. How can I possibly be so lucky?