I am Saul

I'm trying to repent. I am Saul with the Amalekites. I have disobeyed God. I put romantic love over his commands. "For rebellion is like the sin divination and arrogance like the evil of idolatry." I have rebelled against God. I said to Him, I will date a non-Christian.  I tried to rationalize and bargain. God doesn't want my sacrifices and bargains, He just wants me to follow his commands. It's true, He still loves me.  It's true that I could never measure up to deserve to be His daughter. Everything may be permissible, but not everything is beneficial. I didn't do any good as I disobeyed God. Now I am hurt. How blessed I am to be here with God. My whole life He has been rescuing me, bringing me back to Himself. How can I possibly be so lucky? 

Mailboxes

So it's really over this time. There's not much to say.  There's nothing to figure out.  The envelope is sealed.  I dropped you off into the mailbox and walked away.  You'll sit there with all the other mail I've given up.  You'll be about your life.  All I'll have of you are the memories that are tucked and contained in the confines of an envelope.  There are things I'll miss. There are things I'll regret and lose sleep over.  Ill wonder how your sleeping and if you've been happy.  I'll close my eyes and imagine your face.  But I'll end each thought with how you care more about yourself than me and how your words didn't have meaning.  I'll remember how I felt when you'd leave me and never look back.  When relationships end I feel my chest tighten and I wonder if I could feel as strongly for anyone else.  I feel jealous of all the other girls that will be with you.   I worry about how this disappointment will affect future relationships.  You may forget about me.  You might see me and feel nothing.  I'll have to accept that, and accept that for whatever reason you didn't want me.  I will have to adjust once again, setting my mind on myself.  I'll be trying to sort through all the things I was probably running from when I met you.  Here again I am alone.  I'm just walking, no mail in my hand, no hand to hold.

some good things in a sea of mistakes

Leanne, I like you because you're an honest, genuine person. You're smart, beautiful, hilarious, talented, and just pretty much all around amazing. 

Mmk Nate so, I like you because you use your words sparingly.  It makes me feel important to hear from you. You have very pretty eyes. I like your frame and how I can see your ribs. And your small hands. You're a protector and you value honor.  You are different. And you're generally okay with that.  I'm not looking for the perfect guy or someone who has it all together.  I like that you don't listen to stupid music.  I feel like I can be myself around you. 

Leanne, your face you make when your confused is cute as hell. I like hearing all your facts that you say when I do something dumb or just randomly, even though I don't always listen to that advice.