How Fickle

The sad thing about us humans is how incredibly fickle we are.  It is not just that we don't have the capacity to understand our own world and the God that governs it, but we also forget things. We forget the amazing sacrifice our Lord has so freely given us.  It is rare for a Christian to deliberately disobey God and not follow his commands, it is that we simply forget Him.  Our minds become cluttered and we push out the Gospel, the Truth, the Light, and the Way.  I don't understand it all. Really, how is my mind so fickle. It makes me sad that I forget the gospel, and I have to hear it over and over to do as God commands.  But I am so blessed to have it repeated to me all the time, to have a community that exemplifies it for each other.  One day I won't ever forget you Lord. Instead I will be with you and I will worship you all of the days we spend together.

Oh me.

The hardest part about all of it is the watch. The man of my dreams will one day be in glancing view.  The problem that taunts me is I'll never know when that day or glance will be, or if it already happend.  I can say that I am not looking, but that will only happen when I go blind.  My intention when I meet a guy is not to marry him, but I still have the intention of marrying some man.  I realize that I, by no means, need a male or husband to make my life meaningful and wonderful. I already have a Savior who will do that for me.  However, I am full of passions for a family and a husband.
It is quite intriguing, the whole situation of dating and marriage.  It's terrifying and hurtful as well.  Sometimes when you really sit and think about the things of this Earth it is so silly and trifling.  Maybe it is because I realize I have eternity to dance and sing to my Father. I can learn so many new things in the promise land, and speak more languages than I even know about.  But here I am concerned about a husband and a future.  Oh me.
I digress, so I often think that maybe my future husband vacations where I live now.  It's funny how little romantic stories play out in my imagination.  Silly and so small, but entertaining.  I'm even smiling now thinking of the little imaginary instances of how I'll meet him.  He throws a football it lands near my towel as I am laying and reading a book of sort.  Maybe we talk, and go for a swim or a walk, and the rest is history, or maybe I should say future.  But these are only intangible ideas, thoughts that lead to nothing more than a slight change in mood.
Maybe I'd be better off not day dreaming anymore, or maybe not.  But there really isn't anyway to defeat the watching and anticipation.  I'll be waiting, I hope he is waiting too.