Remember

December 29th

I just want to remember that at this moment I am happy. I have a purpose. I have a savior, and I am completely in love with Him.
I will never be the way I was as a lost, dead woman. No matter how much I screw up, I am loved! I am the younger son, I was lost and now I am found.

Exploding Colors

I was taking a power nap after four hours of labs, when I had a dream that I remembered -- which is quite a rarity in my life. I woke up shaking, and pleasantly enlightened. I never know where dreams actually start, but I first remember the roads of the city being flooded, and the bridge to my town completely underwater.  I was a child of about four years old in my mom's arms, we got on a boat in order to get back to our home.  As we passed I saw a couple that I rarely spoke too, and they were sinking. But they weren't sad, they were young and laughing and smiling. As we passed them, the wife told me, "Please don't live your life as if you're not alive."  I said, "I'll do my best."  We made it to the dry land and started driving down the one-lane cause-way.  As we drove, the things I saw were vibrant and fleeting.  First we passed blue, and I saw things from my early childhood. Everything a shade of blue. Then we were out of that part of life, and everything was exploding behind us. It wasn't sad, it was brilliant and beautiful. Then came green and there was all the important things of my preteen years, there and then exploding.  Then we passed yellow, it was still beautiful.  Everything of high-school years exploded behind us. Then I woke up.

I don't really think I have the capacity to understand dreams.  But this once, what I saw was simple so I think I can point that out.  Basically, a realization that moments pass, and we can't get them back. It's like all the things in our life are always exploding as time passes.  We can't get those times again, see those things again, feel as we do in each of those moments again, or be the person we were. But some advice is don't forget that you are living, that life is precious and fast, and it's worth making the most of it.

My Father

My Father in heaven is more than
a career
an education
comfort
money
a husband
my family
my understanding
my goals
my dreams
for He is so much more than me.

Masterpieces

January 5th
I hardly believe how the Spirit sends chills all around my body. It reaches my toes in combat boots in a hot room, so close to the people next to me our shoulders are touching.  My body is acting as if its cold, leaving the hairs on my arms and legs raised.  But I am not cold, maybe fear is sneaking around sending signals and mechanisms commanding the chills. Like the fear of the words and truth being spoken is changing the paradigms I know too well.  Change is scary.  I fear it, the words of the Gospel turning the world upside down.
 Tonight in my presence I am witnessing God's army at work.  We sit together learning and preparing for so much more than we could ever imagine. (Habakkuk 1:5). That God has designed each of us for a purpose so beyond all of comparison to one another.  Each moment in our life He is building a masterful statue. From where we stand nothing makes sense, until the Lord himself smoothes the crevices creating a craft so pleasing to His eyes, even we cannot complain.  Let these little minds understand this, and let our lives reflect our comprehension.  We are rising from the ashes of our old disgusting self as new creations dancing and happy.  We see this perfectly in our life masterpiece God is crafting together with unlikely materials.  He paints with the precious blood of Christ. We become something special to God, because we are becoming like his only Son.  The blood that runs through us is shifting to something new, and it breaks through our heart of stone and it is shattering and is slowly replaced by a new live one. And Jesus's blood fills us. Then we can experience who we were meant to be whole, and happy, and real.  What a wonderful masterpiece God is making.

Habakkuk 1:5
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.